Cheating
- By A. Todd
- Published 07/23/2008
A. Todd
Married and working mother of three. Our two horses, nineteen chickens, four dogs, three baby puppies, and several fish make up our extended family. I am working on my BA someday soon. My husband is a foreman in construction. And finally, I love to write and am currently working on a book that will probably never see the light of day ;-).
A man I just met offered me a deal. Even though he knew I was married, a friendly outing, then a date, then a relationship as the married "friend" of a married man. Hmmm.
Anyway, it got me thinking. How many people are in unhappy relationships anyway? It seems like I don't know anyone who is in a faithful relationship, and one partner or both is cheating with another. So why don't they just leave? Wouldn't the consequenses of being "found out" be worse than any consesquences of leaving the partner that they don't want anyway?
So is cheating immoral? Yes. If vows are taken and you said that you would "forsake all others" then yes, it's immoral.
Is cheating cruel to the partner? Yes. You chose to make an agreement with that partner. You decided and told that partner that you would be with them, only them, and would not see other people as long as you were with them. Even if you no longer love, no longer get along, etc with that partner, you still made that agreement. So do you not pay your rent because you no longer like the place? No, you would be out on your butt. Do you not pay your cell phone bill because you decided that you don't like the phone you have? No. Because those are contracts and you would pay dearly if you just stopped honoring the contract. So why is it so easy to not honor a much larger and more important contract?
Now I do understand that relationships have problems, that they have their down times, mine included. And some reach a point where it's miserable and needs to end,
I've been there. So why not cancel your contract, get out, and then start looking for other possibilities? Is that really that difficult? You don't buy a new car while you still pay for your old one, you would have two payments! Spouses don't work well in pairs either.
And really, would a relationship started on those terms really make it? Probably not. One or both parties lied to get there, and then both expect the other to be honest with them? Not likely.
And say that you just want some fun and plan on staying with your spouse. What then? Can you divide your time without the spouse noticing the difference? Probably not. Will you go places and never be seen by someone that one or both of you know. Most likely not. The chances are high that you will walk somewhere together or meet somewhere and someone that you know will be there. It's a small world. And even if they don't tell your spouse you will be waiting for the second that they do and it will eat you alive.
So in conclusion, don't cheat. It just adds to the drama and you risk so much. If you are really that unhappy, leave. It will not be near as horrible to leave, and will be detrimental if you are found out instead.
My answer? That I made a promise to my husband that I intend to keep. I would not want to hurt him like that and I would not want my marriage to end in that way. Is it hard to walk away from attention that you may have not had recently, and someone that see's you like your spouse did in the beginning? Yes. Is it harder to live with the fact that you completly and totally disrespected and possibly destroyed your spouse? YES......
Anyway, it got me thinking. How many people are in unhappy relationships anyway? It seems like I don't know anyone who is in a faithful relationship, and one partner or both is cheating with another. So why don't they just leave? Wouldn't the consequenses of being "found out" be worse than any consesquences of leaving the partner that they don't want anyway?
So is cheating immoral? Yes. If vows are taken and you said that you would "forsake all others" then yes, it's immoral.
Is cheating cruel to the partner? Yes. You chose to make an agreement with that partner. You decided and told that partner that you would be with them, only them, and would not see other people as long as you were with them. Even if you no longer love, no longer get along, etc with that partner, you still made that agreement. So do you not pay your rent because you no longer like the place? No, you would be out on your butt. Do you not pay your cell phone bill because you decided that you don't like the phone you have? No. Because those are contracts and you would pay dearly if you just stopped honoring the contract. So why is it so easy to not honor a much larger and more important contract?
Now I do understand that relationships have problems, that they have their down times, mine included. And some reach a point where it's miserable and needs to end,
And really, would a relationship started on those terms really make it? Probably not. One or both parties lied to get there, and then both expect the other to be honest with them? Not likely.
And say that you just want some fun and plan on staying with your spouse. What then? Can you divide your time without the spouse noticing the difference? Probably not. Will you go places and never be seen by someone that one or both of you know. Most likely not. The chances are high that you will walk somewhere together or meet somewhere and someone that you know will be there. It's a small world. And even if they don't tell your spouse you will be waiting for the second that they do and it will eat you alive.
So in conclusion, don't cheat. It just adds to the drama and you risk so much. If you are really that unhappy, leave. It will not be near as horrible to leave, and will be detrimental if you are found out instead.
My answer? That I made a promise to my husband that I intend to keep. I would not want to hurt him like that and I would not want my marriage to end in that way. Is it hard to walk away from attention that you may have not had recently, and someone that see's you like your spouse did in the beginning? Yes. Is it harder to live with the fact that you completly and totally disrespected and possibly destroyed your spouse? YES......
Spread The Word
2 Responses to "Cheating" 
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said this on 29 Jul 2008 1:21:59 PM EDT
I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in,"WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a F#%//ng JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such assholes? I mean JERKS!!
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said this on 31 Jul 2008 6:03:12 PM EDT
Wow, soma. That is a creep. He just got married and he's already trying that? I really don't see why he got married in the first place. Not to put worry in your heart, but what if he tells his wife that you came on to him instead of the other way around? You might want to be honest, but you risk your friendship. Wow...hard situation. Hopefully it will come out some other way. If he did this this soon and to her good friend, he will get caught anyway.
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