Fidelity, is it possible?

As a romantic, I prefer to believe that humans can be monogamous lifetime partners, and that fidelity is indeed possible. The jaded pragmatist in me, however, thinks otherwise and acknowledges the harsh reality that humans will never succeed in fully taming instinct and temptation, both of which are culprits for infidelity. We are animals subject to sin despite relentless efforts to curb our ways. Nurture will always succumb to nature, and our nature is to mate and mate again for the primordial sake of survival, greed, power and desire. Intellect, conscience, sexual suppression, religious shackles and other forms of persuasive abstinence are not enough to make us saintly and non-animal.

In order to fully understand whether or not fidelity is possible, one must first understand what fidelity and its antonym mean. It is possible that infidelity is a more complex issue than simply “the son-of-a-bitch cheated on me with that slut,” or “the slut cheated on me with that son-of-a-bitch.”

Besides, how does one define infidelity? It would be interesting to compare the different definitions and understandings of the word “unfaithful” from a wide variety of people and lifestyles. Does it mean the same to a swinger or Mormon, as it does to a wholesome Catholic couple forever bound in the sweet sanctity of wedlock? -- replace “Catholic” with own religion should 1 wish 2 B PC?

In addition to previous questions, is infidelity purely of a physical nature or can it also be cerebral? If it can be as much cerebral as physical, could an erotic fantasy be considered cheating? If it is purely physical, would phone sex with an unauthorized third party violate commitment? Is kissing cheating or does sex constitute infidelity? Is “going down,” considered sex? If a girl kisses her best female friend, most guys might not mind, but does that make it okay? Is drunken sex forgivable? Is oral sex from a prostitute full-blown cheating?

Furthermore, do women have the same understanding of infidelity as men? I’m convinced that both sexes will rationalize their understanding of cheating to suite their interest. It is believed that women tend to be more faithful than men are. I’m not so sure that this is an accurate assumption. It is possible that women are smarter about their infidelity. Men tend to use infidelity as a bragging right and get caught by their own stupidity thus adding to the superior statistic. Cheating or having multiple partners, is sadly accepted as a proof of virility amongst men. I have never understood why a man who experiences many women obtains social stature, whereas his female counterpart carries a stigmatized label of unworthy and cheap. This in-balance, does not however, mean that men are more unfaithful than women. It is also believed that men cheat for different reasons than women. Some claim that men whip out their tools with little or no emotional connection required, whereas women generally oblige an emotional connection before giving up the “goods.” It has been said that women use infidelity as a means by which to save themselves from emotional starvation and romantic stagnation rather than the purely sexual escape that men necessitate. In fact, men apparently need none other than a location. Either way, man or woman, infidelity is a sad and very painful part of life.

So, is fidelity possible?

Over the years, I have had friends, family and acquaintances go through the painful process of divorce. The reasons for separation varied, but all were overdue. The majority of those divorces faced infidelity from at least one half of the equation at some point during the relationship - thus my logical conclusion; lifetime fidelity is not possible - divorce is inevitable. There are too many interesting and beautiful human beings out there to enable any one individual to give themselves to another single human being for a lifetime. The 21^st Century in particular, has witnessed the break-down of the marriage as we know it. The sacred institution of matrimony has become regrettably out-dated and fractured. Modern-day nuptials rarely honor the duration of the contract. I think that the agreement of marriage should be restructured. It should come in five year installments with the option to renew at the end of each term rather than a life-time commitment. The only condition when the term should exceed a five year period, is when there are children involved, at which point divorce is permissible only when the children are old enough to get revenge for the turmoil.

If you must cheat, then don’t kiss and tell. Take the lie to the grave, less inflict momentous pain on your X partner. Those of you who can look in the mirror and truthfully claim lifetime fidelity; I admire you and hold you in high esteem… I might otherwise call you liars, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt up until the day your partners catch you red-handed and butt-naked in a compromising and embarrassing situation at which point divorce will be inevitable because fidelity was not possible.

I hope that I am wrong.