Everyone has heard of the 12 days of Christmas, well thats is not this. You ever have one of those days where nothing goes right not matter what you do. Well I have had a whole year like that. This whole year it has been one thing after another and not good happenings either. I'm going to give you my version of the 12 days of Christmas but instead it's the 12 shitty things that have happened in one year.

1) I had to quit college temporarily because it got too expensive to drive from here to Dover, N.H. and back every day. Plus all the sitting was fucking up my tailbone and back even more.

2) I lost my car because a few reasons like it was getting to expensive, needed a lot of work and the damn credit union decided they wouldn't work with me on some things.

3) After years of agruing, getting lied to, house getting broken into, and physical threats on me and my daughter I had to send Kyle to live with Armand (his father). That was the BIGGEST mistake I ever made.

4) After Kyle left I was extremely emotional and depressed so I had to stop working for awhile to get my head straight. Plus the job I had sucked and was killing my back having to stand and twist a lot. For those that don't know I have serious problems with my back and my tailbone is fucked up which is not good.

5) Father's day weekend me and my boyfriend Chris got into a motorcycle accident and got serious road rash. Chris even got a broken rib, toes and foot because I pretty much landed on him. It was scary!

6) My daughter Amber sprained her ankle pretty bad and had to be rushed to the emergency room. Where she had x-rays and got a brace.

7) I got my finger crushed in a door and ended up in the emergency room getting shots and it wrapped. Hate hospitals!

8) Ended up back in the emergency room a few more times with Amber and myself for different things. They were starting to know me by name I spent so much time there this year.

9) Some stupid child ass people started a rumor because I was friends with someone of the opposite sex and because they were jealous. Real immature childish shit that caused problems for me and my boyfriend Chris. I fucking hate stupid people that don't know how to get facts before they run their mouths!!

10) My son's long time and most favorite pet Moses the ball python snake died and I had to call Kyle at Armand's to tell him. It broke his heart and is one of the worse things as a parent you have to do. I felt so guilty..

11) I ended up losing my friendship with someone special.. Just a friend people...

and finally the worst thing....

12) My boyfriend of a 1 year and 11 months just broke up with me on Monday. What a hell of a shitty Christmas present and Christmas this is turning out to be.....

People say that God only gives you as much as you can handle, well I seriously can NOT handle anymore bad shit. I have had years of it, but this year was the finally straw and topper. I'm to tired, depressed, stressed, hurt and just don't have anymore fight left. He (God) won! I have been officially defeated...

Truly how much can one person take before they just can't do it anymore? What happens when they have no more left to give, no more strength and no more desire to try? It seems or feels like sooner or later you just have to give in or give up...

I'm so lost, lonely, confused, stressed, hurt and depressed!! I just don't know anymore..