Dec. 10, 2008: With global stock markets tanking, the President of the United States today embarked on a daring initiative to resolve the problem.

He sent a team of senior financial officials to planet Jupiter with orders to negotiate a financial bailout for the current US money market meltdown.

“The folks um at AIG have a pressing um need to de-stress at a spa um offering massage and rejuv rejuv rejuv rejuvenating haute cuisine.” the President announced in his daily Rose Garden fiasco. “All this costs money, and the planet Jupiter, as the biggest of our um allies in the um solar system, will not only be um able to stop Iran from building an um atomic bomb, but also be able to give us the biggest bailout in the solar system at no risk to the American taxpayer or to Donald Trump.”

Sarah Palin, the newly-appointed CEO of Exxon Mobil, applauded the initiative, saying, “I do hear them Jupitarians can also see Russia from their chalets. Also, they never done chummed around with no intergalactical terrorists, despite what them liberals from Pluto might say.”

A NASA spokesman told this reporter after the successful launch of the space craft, “The mission has only a two percent chance of making it, if that. If the Asteroids don’t get em, the gases on Jupiter will. I mean, up there, it’s worse than sucking on the tailpipe of a Hummer.”

President Bush’s delegation of senior financial officials was compiled in a maverick, non-partisan, reaching-across-the-aisle spirit together with Senator John McCain. The group comprises of Barack Obama, David Letterman, the editorial staff of the New York Times, and Nancy Pelosi. The outgoing voyage is expected to take at least thirty-five years. It is considered highly unlikely that Jupiter immigration authorities will allow them to return to planet Earth.

Meantime, back here in the real world, the polar bears swin on.