Presidential hopefuls Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama have decided, at a secret meeting with Lou Dobbs and Oprah Winfrey, to cut their losses, donate the balance of their war chests to the Christian Fund For Destitute CEOs, and become joint Presidents of the United States of America.

It will go down like this.

One week, John McCain will be President, and Barack Obama will be Vice President. The week after, vice versa, and so on, for the next fifty years.

Both candidates feel that this bipartisan initiative will invigorate America.

Wall Street and Big Business will learn to be nimble, fast on their collective feet. One week, Big Oil will be allowed to drill offshore, week after they’ll have to haul up, closedown. One week, it’ll be OK for bankers to go to work in foreign limos, the week after, they’ll have to take the subway. One week the lobbyists will be allowed into Washington, the week after it’ll be back to hooking in airport motels.

World leaders will have to learn flexibility, also. One week, Syria’s President, Bashar al-Assad will be getting his ass nuked off in a Damascus bunker. Seven days later he’ll be sleeping in the White House Monica Lewinsky suite, with satin sheets and badass rap on the Musak. That poppy lovin’ rascal Hamid Karsai; one week he’ll have to chow down on grits and spare ribs, week after, chitlins and poke salad.

Ordinary Americans: one week they’ll be getting foreclosed, killed off from lack of universal healthcare, getting sued by the IRS. Week after: back in their homes, prescription medicines coming out their ears, the IRS handing out money-off coupons and happy hour cocktails in old folk’s homes.

Rich Americans: One week, getting richer; the next week getting even more richer.

The bankers: One week, getting richer; the next week getting even more richer.

The politicians: One week, getting richer; the next week getting even more richer.

The only really good news: Joe and Sarah getting dumped.

But the polar bears swim on.