My Dad Can Beat up Your Dad!
- By Lily Eastman
- Published 06/13/2008
- Humor
- Unrated
Lily Eastman
Lily was born in the back of a station wagon to traveling circus performers. They left her at a rest stop in Polk County when her fear of tigers made her a nuisance. A nice family adopted and tried to make her feel welcome, but sometimes, late at night, when the bullfrogs called, she wondered if she might be different. Not really, she sleeps like a rock, so she never heard the bullfrogs. She now plots world domination. And takes naps.
View all articles by Lily Eastman
I've never seen the NBC show "My Dad is Better than Your Dad,"
but I think the concept is funny. I remember in elementary school,
having a debate with my little friend Chelsea, about whose dad was
better. Now, of course I didn't really like my dad, but as Garfield
once said, "Nobody kicks Odie but me." Even if I didn't like him that
much, he was MY dad, and of course he was better than skinny little
bug-eyed Chelsea's dad!
"My dad's a doctor," said I.
"Well mine's a minister. " Chelsea retorted.
"Well my dad can save people's lives!" Which was a total lie. Even in the 3rd grade, I knew
that an anesthesiologist didn't save your life. Just
knocked you out while the surgeon saved your life. Or he just gave you
a shot in the ass and made it hurt less to have a baby.
"My dad can save people's SOULS! From going to HELL!" Countered Chelsea.
Now how was I to retort to that?
"Well, if they die, they can't be alive to ask Jesus in their hearts and then get saved! So my dad has to save them first!"
I was never that good at logic. I think I lost that argument. Maybe I should have said..."Your dad can beat up my dad? Well, whatever-- my dad can't beat up anybody, but he makes a lot of money!"
So there, Chelsea!
"My dad's a doctor," said I.
"Well mine's a minister. " Chelsea retorted.
"Well my dad can save people's lives!" Which was a total lie. Even in the 3rd grade, I knew
"My dad can save people's SOULS! From going to HELL!" Countered Chelsea.
Now how was I to retort to that?
"Well, if they die, they can't be alive to ask Jesus in their hearts and then get saved! So my dad has to save them first!"
I was never that good at logic. I think I lost that argument. Maybe I should have said..."Your dad can beat up my dad? Well, whatever-- my dad can't beat up anybody, but he makes a lot of money!"
So there, Chelsea!