Like many young working professionals, I have little time for dating.  The circles I run in tend to include mostly married 40-somethings.  So after a blistering experience with dating on craigslist (see article on craigslist), I decided to spring for the (ridiculously high) price and subscribe to eHarmony.

Now, I have to be honest and give the back story here.  I didn't go into this eHarmony-sampling with an open mind.  I had a grudge against eHarmony for introducing my widower father to my stepmom.  They e-mailed, they talked on the phone, she flew over from China to visit, and it was wedding bells within a few months.  Literally.  Whew! But when I look at their relationship objectively-- or as objectively as any child, adult or otherwise, can look at her parents-- they are well-matched, they are happy, and they do live in...dare I say...harmony? 

So with brave resolve, a little trepidation, and a great deal of buyer's anxiety, I coughed up the $60-some odd dollars for one month of eHarmony.  I figured if true love hadn't found me in a month, it was too damn expensive, and I'd just do without.

The first hurdle to overcome was the personality testing.  Normally, I love these, I like gaining insight into who I am and what my potential is.  But this time, every answer was fraught with worry...what if answering that I like time by myself will match me with hermits?  What if answering that I believe in God will give me crazy religious fanatics as matches? I decided to trust in the love gurus at eHarmony and just be as honest as I could, and not read too much into the questions.

Something I appreciated was the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" section, which states dealbreakers in a straightforward, no-buts-about it fashion.  You select your stance on the importance of shared politics, spiritual acceptance, intellect, sense of humor, family life, family, ability to accept help, tolerance, verbal intimacy, and affection, by choosing from a series of "I must have..." and "I can't stand..." statements that actually put my feelings into words on many issues.  What's the point of wasting time dating someone who is intolerant of my religious beliefs? Of meeting someone in person who has no sense of humor?  Well, thanks to eHarmony, I won't have to.

As far as a personal profile, on eHarmony, you aren't given much lattitude.  A picture, a few personal statements and short-answers, and a few key traits can be displayed, but no identifying information, no last names, no chance to charm them with your scintillating wit or embed that Timbaland video that really displays who you are.  Just take the tests, make the profile, and wait for the compatible love to come rolling in...

Apparently, I am very compatible.  Matches from crazy places like Vegas and New Hampshire started pouring in (I live in Nashville, TN).  I'm not desperate enough (a heavy yet goes here) to move to another state for a guy, but if I'm still single at 30, maybe that pastry chef from Vegas would be looking pretty good.  Since I was only interested in local matches, I reset the search so that only guys I could conceivably meet for a date, those who lived less than 30 minutes away, showed up.

My next problem was the ugly factor.  I generally think of myself as an attractive gal, I'm in shape, I take care of myself, I cleared up that bad case of facial leprosy.  Call me crazy, but I like to date attractive guys.  When I put some thought into it, if you're under 30 and willing to pay $60 a month to meet girls...yeah, there might be reasons why you're not out meeting women.

Luckily, you can easily "close" matches,  which removes them from your listing, so you don't have to communicate with that rotund balding 21-year-old with 5 cats.  eHarmony does prompt you to explain yourself, allowing you to choose from the polite "the physical distance is too far," to the thinly-veiled insult "the chemistry just isn't there" when you mark a match as closed.  Be careful what you choose, your closed matches do see what box you checked to explain their dismissal. 

Once you've looked at a match's profile and picture, and have decided you're interested in him or her, you "begin communicating."  This starts by selecting 5 multiple choice questions from a given list, and sending them to your match.  The questions available ranged from tame "what would you do on a night in at home?"  to insane "what would your ideal marriage be like?"  I do want to talk about marriage someday, but not on first contact with a stranger.  I picked the night in question, as well as "how often do you lose your temper?" "How important is personal space to you?" "Do you usually arrive on time?" and "Describe your attitude about work."  Okay, I know that last one is lame, but I was trying to avoid questions about marriage and relationships. 

After you've sent these out, it's up to your potential matches to answer them and get back to you.  Conversely, people who have you as a match will be sending you their 5 multiple choice questions, and you can decide to answer them, or ignore them as you please.  When your matches respond to your multiple-choice questions, hey send you their first 5 questions, and that completes the initial getting-to-know you phase.  Up next: must haves and can't stands.  eHarmony urges you to be as honest as possible in answering these, so I was.  Several guys scared me off with their must-haves and can't stands, so I closed the matches.  You can't stand someone who doesn't keep a tidy house?  Reminding myself of my vow of honestly, and with the dirty dishes in the kitchen catching my eye, I admit the truth and close that match. 

Once you've both decided your must-haves and can't stands are in line, you get to send out short-answer questions, either choosing three of eHarmony's questions or writing your own.  I really liked these, and tried to put as much thought as I could into them.   What started as twenty communications dwindled to five or so sets  of questions posed, to one person who responded to my short answer queries.  One match.  It was almost poetic.

After all that rigamarole, once you have screened the match and he has screened you, the two of you read a "message from Dr. Warren," which advises against giving out personal information, and then you're allowed "open communication."  Open communication means you can send messages back and forth through eHarmony, without using your real e-mail addresses or phone numbers.  So this one match and I now have eHarmony's permission to speak freely.