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Is eHarmony out of Tune with Reality?
- By Lily Eastman
- Published 06/3/2008
- Dating Sites Reviews
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Lily Eastman
Lily was born in the back of a station wagon to traveling circus performers. They left her at a rest stop in Polk County when her fear of tigers made her a nuisance. A nice family adopted and tried to make her feel welcome, but sometimes, late at night, when the bullfrogs called, she wondered if she might be different. Not really, she sleeps like a rock, so she never heard the bullfrogs. She now plots world domination. And takes naps.
View all articles by Lily Eastman
Like many young working professionals, I have little time for dating.
The circles I run in tend to include mostly married 40-somethings. So
after a blistering experience with dating on craigslist (see article on
craigslist), I decided to spring for the (ridiculously high) price and
subscribe to eHarmony.
Now, I have to be honest and give the back story here. I didn't go into this eHarmony-sampling with an open mind. I had a grudge against eHarmony for introducing my widower father to my stepmom. They e-mailed, they talked on the phone, she flew over from China to visit, and it was wedding bells within a few months. Literally. Whew! But when I look at their relationship objectively-- or as objectively as any child, adult or otherwise, can look at her parents-- they are well-matched, they are happy, and they do live in...dare I say...harmony?
So with brave resolve, a little trepidation, and a great deal of buyer's anxiety, I coughed up the $60-some odd dollars for one month of eHarmony. I figured if true love hadn't found me in a month, it was too damn expensive, and I'd just do without.
The first hurdle to overcome was the personality testing. Normally, I love these, I like gaining insight into who I am and what my potential is. But this time, every answer was fraught with worry...what if answering that I like time by myself will match me with hermits? What if answering that I believe in God will give me crazy religious fanatics as matches? I decided to trust in the love gurus at eHarmony and just be as honest as I could, and not read too much into the questions.
Something I appreciated was the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" section, which states dealbreakers in a straightforward,
no-buts-about it
fashion. You select your stance on the importance of shared politics,
spiritual acceptance, intellect, sense of humor, family life, family,
ability to accept help, tolerance, verbal intimacy, and affection, by
choosing from a series of "I must have..." and "I can't stand..."
statements that actually put my feelings into words on many issues.
What's the point of wasting time dating someone who is intolerant of my
religious beliefs? Of meeting someone in person who has no sense of
humor? Well, thanks to eHarmony, I won't have to.
As far as a personal profile, on eHarmony, you aren't given much lattitude. A picture, a few personal statements and short-answers, and a few key traits can be displayed, but no identifying information, no last names, no chance to charm them with your scintillating wit or embed that Timbaland video that really displays who you are. Just take the tests, make the profile, and wait for the compatible love to come rolling in...
Apparently, I am very compatible. Matches from crazy places like Vegas and New Hampshire started pouring in (I live in Nashville, TN). I'm not desperate enough (a heavy yet goes here) to move to another state for a guy, but if I'm still single at 30, maybe that pastry chef from Vegas would be looking pretty good. Since I was only interested in local matches, I reset the search so that only guys I could conceivably meet for a date, those who lived less than 30 minutes away, showed up.
My next problem was the ugly factor. I generally think of myself as an attractive gal, I'm in shape, I take care of myself, I cleared up that bad case of facial leprosy. Call me crazy, but I like to date attractive guys. When I put some thought into it, if you're under 30 and willing to pay $60 a month to meet girls...yeah, there might be reasons why you're not out meeting women.
Now, I have to be honest and give the back story here. I didn't go into this eHarmony-sampling with an open mind. I had a grudge against eHarmony for introducing my widower father to my stepmom. They e-mailed, they talked on the phone, she flew over from China to visit, and it was wedding bells within a few months. Literally. Whew! But when I look at their relationship objectively-- or as objectively as any child, adult or otherwise, can look at her parents-- they are well-matched, they are happy, and they do live in...dare I say...harmony?
So with brave resolve, a little trepidation, and a great deal of buyer's anxiety, I coughed up the $60-some odd dollars for one month of eHarmony. I figured if true love hadn't found me in a month, it was too damn expensive, and I'd just do without.
The first hurdle to overcome was the personality testing. Normally, I love these, I like gaining insight into who I am and what my potential is. But this time, every answer was fraught with worry...what if answering that I like time by myself will match me with hermits? What if answering that I believe in God will give me crazy religious fanatics as matches? I decided to trust in the love gurus at eHarmony and just be as honest as I could, and not read too much into the questions.
Something I appreciated was the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" section, which states dealbreakers in a straightforward,
As far as a personal profile, on eHarmony, you aren't given much lattitude. A picture, a few personal statements and short-answers, and a few key traits can be displayed, but no identifying information, no last names, no chance to charm them with your scintillating wit or embed that Timbaland video that really displays who you are. Just take the tests, make the profile, and wait for the compatible love to come rolling in...
Apparently, I am very compatible. Matches from crazy places like Vegas and New Hampshire started pouring in (I live in Nashville, TN). I'm not desperate enough (a heavy yet goes here) to move to another state for a guy, but if I'm still single at 30, maybe that pastry chef from Vegas would be looking pretty good. Since I was only interested in local matches, I reset the search so that only guys I could conceivably meet for a date, those who lived less than 30 minutes away, showed up.
My next problem was the ugly factor. I generally think of myself as an attractive gal, I'm in shape, I take care of myself, I cleared up that bad case of facial leprosy. Call me crazy, but I like to date attractive guys. When I put some thought into it, if you're under 30 and willing to pay $60 a month to meet girls...yeah, there might be reasons why you're not out meeting women.