copyright 2007 Brenda H all rights reserved.

CHAPTER 19 -

The night was black and alive.  Yula sat on the porch and
catalogued the sounds: crickets, an owl, the breeze.  The
cabin itself groaned.  The men slept soundly inside, Xavier
occasionally coughing in his sleep.  Yula wished she could
do something for him.  He wouldn't take enough of the cough
medicine.  He said it made him drunk and he couldn't do his
work.

The day had been a lonely one for Yula.  Fearing the
authorities, not wanting to attract attention in Hafton,
Scott had driven all the way down to Gunniston to buy
packets of food and bottles of water.  Then Tenner had
disappeared, most of the afternoon and part of the evening. 
Yula suspected he was sicker than he'd let on.  She knew
Tenner wouldn't let others see him helpless.

Or he's avoiding you, Yula told herself.  He doesn't want
to talk about what we have to talk about.

Yula tried to review her feelings about the last few
weeks.  She'd journeyed to a different world and fallen in
love with it.  Or was it Scott?  The sounds of the forest
swelled in her mind.  She'd been taught so early on to be
afraid of Nature.  It was frightening, dirty, messy.  There
were rats in the trees and spiders in the grass.  Kill
them--that had been their answer for a thousand years.  But
yet, deep inside her, Yula longed to be part of it all, to
hunt for food, to stalk a mate, to bring bloody, drooling,
screaming life into the world.

Yula looked at her watch.  It was time to wake Tenner. 
She would wait a little longer.  There were decisions to be
made.

Will you go back if Xavier fixes the machine?  The
forbidden thought had inserted itself into Yula's brain like a pesky splinter.  She would have to guard her thoughts.  If Xavier knew she wanted to stay, he'd be angry--so would Abcedif.  They would accuse her of womanly emotionalism. 

Yes, damn it, she cursed to herself--I am a woman.

Yula glanced at her watch again.  Ten minutes after
midnight.  She couldn't put it off any longer.  It was
Tenner's turn to stand watch--he wouldn't like her to be
late.  Yula considered waking Scott instead.  It would be
nice, to make love at night for once, under the stars, with
the animal sounds of the woods cheering them on.

Yula stood.  Must behave, she warned herself.  Personal
feelings aren't important.  You are on a mission.  All else
is trivial.

Stepping into the cabin, Yula felt the heat of the fire
on her face.  The bodies of the three men were sprawled at
angles on the floor.  Yula stepped to Tenner.

"Tenner," Yula whispered softly into his ear.  She'd
awakened him like this before, when she'd wanted to make
love, in the morning.

Tenner's eyes opened and Yula could see he'd been
dreaming of the same thing.

Yula stood abruptly. 

"It's your turn to watch," she said.  It sounded colder
than she'd meant it.

Tenner stood and stretched.  He grabbed his jacket and
headed for the door.  He turned back.  He wanted to talk. 
She owed him that much, she guessed.  But the blankets on
the floor looked so warm and inviting.

"Okay," Yula whispered and followed Tenner out the door.

They sat silently together on the porch.  She'd had other
boys before Tenner.  They'd been kind to her, they'd loved
her she guessed.  But she'd yearned for more excitement. 
And then came Tenner, who smelled like a man.  He was rough
and she tumbled for him.  It was she who'd talked Abcedif
into including him in the project. 

"We need a rugged person," Yula had argued.  She
remembered Abcedif's smile when she'd said that.

Have you changed Tenner, or has he just grown up?  Is he
trying too hard to please you?  Doesn't he know it was his
hard, animal ways that you liked about him?  He'd wanted her right off--at the front of his thoughts--with no apologies about it.  She'd said yes in her mind and he'd taken her desperately and Yula had loved him for it.

"Do you love him?" Tenner asked finally.

"Yes."

"Did you ever love me?"

"You know the answer is yes," Yula told him.

Tenner swallowed.  He wouldn't ask any more questions. 
Everything was so different here.  When they were back in
the future he would win her again.  Without all the
distractions, though it would never be the same. 

Yula took Tenner's hand.  There was no use hiding
thoughts.  They were like brother and sister in that.  They
knew each other too well.  That was part of the problem.

"I do love you," Yula said sincerely.

Tenner believed her.  He wanted to make love to her,
maybe for the last time, so he would remember it.  So it
would be special, so he could endure his pain through the
coming days, months and years.

"You'll find someone else," Yula reassured him.

"I don't want someone else," Tenner whimpered.  "I'm
sorry," he added quickly, not wanting to cry, not wanting
her to see him like this.  He wouldn't beg.  He wouldn't try to work on her sympathy.  He wasn't a child.

"You can't stay here," Tenner said as calmly as he
could.  "You aren't one of these people."

"I know."

"Xavier won't allow it."

"I know," Yula repeated.

"Neither will Abcedif."

Yula nodded.

"I'm tired," she said and stood.

"Good-night," Tenner said to himself when she was safely
inside the cabin.  Panic shook Tenner's body.  You'll be
alone for hours, with just the black night for company. 
You'll have to think, you'll have to cry.  It will be like
this from now on, for the rest of your life, without her. 
Nausea overtook Tenner.  The uncontrollable urge to throw up hit Tenner in a wave from his head to his stomach.  He stood carefully, stumbled down the steps and made his way to the woods.

Is it her or the virus? Tenner wondered as the contents
of his stomach hit the ground.  He ached--that was enough. 
He wouldn't blame her.  He wouldn't ruin it beyond repair. 
He would hold his anger in check.  Later, he thought, when
she's back in her own world and her mind is unaffected by
Scott or the viruses of this place... 

Tenner fell back on the ground.  He stared up at the
stars and wondered if it could ever be the same with her. 
Is that why they did it? Tenner wondered.  Is that why they
chopped down the trees and put poison in the waters and
dirtied the air beyond breathing?  Because no one loved
them?  Or loved them enough?  So all life seemed like
hopeless garbage?

Back on the porch, Tenner reviewed his time with Yula. 
He surprised himself with the things he remembered--their
meeting, the times they made love, certain particular things she'd said, even the arguments they'd had.  It all became clear, like the night air in this time.  Tears came to Tenner's eyes and he tried to think of something else, but his thoughts always returned to Yula.

Xavier's cough interrupted Tenner's despair.  The creak
of wood, then Xavier's footsteps.  The cabin door opened and Xavier coughed his way next to Tenner.

"You can go to sleep now," Xavier told the young man.

"Are you okay?"

"It's just a cough," Xavier told him.

"It sounds pretty bad."

Xavier nodded and held back the impulse to cough again. 
He swallowed hard, stifling the juices building in his
bronchial passage.

"I'm not used to being sick," Xavier admitted.  "How is
your stomach?"

"I think it's getting better," Tenner said as cheerfully
as he could make it.

"You should sleep," Xavier told the young man.

Tenner nodded.  He felt like patting Xavier on the
shoulder for encouragement.  Xavier had so much knowledge,
about everything, from transistors to human beings.  If only he would share, Tenner thought.

"Good night," Tenner said and shuffled into the cabin.

Xavier stared down at the road.  He concentrated on that
distant strip of reflected moonlight.  His mind needed the
break.  The years had taught him many things, the most
important of all, the use of his own mind, from which all
else was derived.  He'd sacrificed, of course.  There was no room for so many things he'd recently started to crave.  Seeing Scott and Yula together had brought some of it back. 
But that's what the project is about, isn't it?  Recovering
what we've lost.  But to Xavier's surprise, he found himself recovering regret, and love, and sorrow. 

Xavier shook his head and blinked his eyes.  Stay awake,
Xavier.  Watch for the police.  Xavier's mind inevitably
drifted back to the device.  He considered the options.  It
was Abcedif's device really.  Like Xavier, Abcedif had an
aversion to sharing.  Abcedif had only told Xavier what he
thought Xavier had to know about the gadget.  Now Xavier was paying for Abcedif's secrecy.  And so were Yula and Tenner.  Well, maybe Tenner.  Yula seemed happy here.  She'll ask to stay, Xavier felt.  Xavier considered what he would say then.

Xavier looked at his watch.  4:30.  The time had gone
quickly.  It was Scott's turn to watch.  The sun would be up soon.  Xavier decided to wait.  His cough would return if he put his head down anyway.  Watch the sun come up.  Over those trees.  Engrave the thought in your mind.  That's what you're here for after all, to capture this beauty for your children and grandchildren.

"You don't have children," Xavier muttered out loud. 
"You don't have grandchildren."  Misery caught in Xavier's
throat.  He coughed, then he cried.



"You didn't wake me," Scott protested, coming onto the
porch.  It was almost 7:30. 

"I couldn't sleep anyway," Xavier told him.

Scott sat next to Xavier.  There was a cup of coffee in
Scott's hand.

"I'll watch if you want to go to work," Scott told the
older man.

"Okay," Xavier said.  He stood, stretching muscles and
bones that had sat in the same position for hours.

"How's the thing going?" Scott asked.

Xavier shrugged and stepped down off the porch.  A moment
later he'd disappeared behind the cabin.

A frightening thought crossed Scott's mind.  He's faking
it.  He's not the genius he pretends to be.  He doesn't know how to fix the device.  Not really.  That's how we got into this mess--pretending we know.

That wasn't the only reason.  The greed boys, the
soldiers of expedience and the captains of destruction had
taken everything of value--every bit of it--while Scott and
his generation screamed at the TV and tried to find a space
between the cracks of commerce.  Scott felt personally
responsible.  He'd felt himself becoming one of them,
incapable of emotion, but able to fake it, acting normally,
mouthing human-being sounds, while in the eyes there was
nothing.  Scott had found himself becoming impatient with
anything but his own purposes.  Comfort--the siren song of
success.  As someone else defined it.  Scott felt sick just
thinking about it.

"I have another list," Xavier said, coming from around
the corner of the cabin.

"Okay," Scott sighed.  "Give it to me."